Ohhh Santa

Theme Guru Joined: Nov 01, 2003 Posts: 1006

I am testing out my new signiture.. are you hungry yet????????????

If Santa answered his mail honestly....It would be a HOOT!

Dear Santa I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer
Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer.
Yer Frend,
BiLLy

Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a
career in lawn care.
How about I send you a book so you can
learn to read and write?
I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At
least HE can spell!
Santa

-----
Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and
the only thing I ask
for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love,
Sarah

Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked something when they had
you, didn't they?
Santa

-----
Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but
for Christmas, I'd like
for my mommy and daddy to get back together.
Please see what you can do.
Love,
Teddy

Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's got a new, younger, girlfriend.
Do you think he's gonna give that
up to come back to
your frigid mom, who nags him constantly?
It's time to give up that
dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead.
Santa

-----
Dear Santa, want a new bike, a Playstation, a
train, some G.I. Joes, a
dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love,
Francis

Dear Francis,
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you get
beat up everyday at school.
Santa

-----
Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under
the tree, and I left
carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.
Love,
Susan

Dear Susan,
Santa is alergic to milk and carrots
make the deer pass gas when riding in the sleigh.
You want to do me
a favour? Leave me a bottle of wine.
Santa

-----
Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of
the year? Are you busy
making toys?
Your friend,
Thomas

Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made in China. I
have a condo in Vegas,
where I spend most of my time making low-budget
" films ". I unwind by
drinking myself silly and squeezing the booties of
cocktail waitresses
while losing money at the blackjack table. Hey, you
wanted to know.
Santa

-----
Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do
you really know when we're awake, like in the song?
Love,
Jessica

Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible? Good
luck in whatever you
do. I'm skipping your house.
Santa

-----
Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year.
Please please please
PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?
Timmy

Timmy,
That whiney begging stuff may work with your
mommy and daddy, but that wont work with Santa.
You're getting a sweater
again. Enjoy!
Santa

-----
Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our
house, how do you get into
our home?
Love,
Marky

Mark,
First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's
why you're getting
in fights at school. Second, you don't live
in a house, you live
in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get in
your pad just like
all the burglars do, through the window.
Sweet Dreams,
Santa

Posted: Wed Nov 30, 2005 12:47 pm

and of course my personal favorite

-----
Dear Santa Claus,
I try and try all year to help others.
I ask little in return. I get lots of grief
and aggrivation in return for my good efforts.
Margie said you won't come unless I am good all year, so I try VERY hard!
All I want for Christmas is for people to READ and SEARCH
before they ask me the same question 20 million times!
Please Santa can you help?
Fondly,
Raven

Raven,
First, my name is Santa NOT Houdini!!!!!!
I cannot stop stupid people from doing their thing(though I wish I could).
They are like roaches, for every 1 you see there are 10 more waiting!
The best advice that Santa can give is to put a
"CLOSED TO STUPID PEOPLE" sign on the front of your site
on Christmas morning and sit back and wait to see how many fall for it.
At least you would be entertained that morning!
Think of all the pm's back and forth
"is Ravens really closed to us today?"
It is hard to be as perfect as us dear Raven.
It is just the curse we bare.
To make up for it though I am putting something "special" under the tree for Margie.
She was a GOOD girl all year!!! Embarassed